Watching The Hand of God


It’s funny how you can look back on your life and see the hand of Yahweh (God) working. It seems the times I felt the most alone was when He was there quietly standing beside me, holding my hand through it all. Glancing out my window at the beauty that surrounds this home, I marvel at the circumstances which brought me where I am in life. And I’m reminded of His continuous guidance.

I was eleven or so when my father bought the 34 acres we’re on now. At that time, I lived with my mother, sister, step-father and step-brother in California. But even though I was thousands of miles away and there wasn’t really any reason for him to expect this to change, my dad held to a dream that perhaps I might live with him on this land one day.

Several years later I experienced one of those moments that forever change the direction of your life. I was fifteen. Rebellious. Angry. Headed for disaster.  And very hungover.

I was sitting on the couch of the apartment I shared with my mom and my sister, when the two of them came back home from running an errand. At first I was confused when my mom walked in the door with tears in her eyes and regret written all over her face. She looked at me and said, “I love you, Ken.” Then an unexpected presence  stepped into the room and it was all made clear. It was my dad. He’d come to take me away.

From that moment on my world changed. The next few years were extremely difficult for me. Life was hard. And I felt very alone.

I spent a lot of time daydreaming about my future. I couldn’t wait to be “free”, and to start a family of my own one day. I had no model to follow, no example to look to, but I was determined to have the family I always longed for during the troubled years of my childhood.

Often, when I just wanted to get out of the little trailer my dad and I shared, I’d take a walk to my favorite place on our property. Beyond the pond, at the top of the highest ridge on our land was a thicket of pine trees, and a clearing overlooking green hills as far as the eye could see. This was my place. Quiet. Peaceful. My place to dream, and talk to God.

Four years later I was married and on my own. A lot had changed though. I was no longer the hard-hearted teenager I once was, but had given myself to the Lord. I was finally happy. I was finally beginning my life.

Fast forward eight wonderful years. Still very happily married, I was now a mother of two precious children. The Lord had answered my tearful prayers from so many years earlier. I was loving life and the new family Jerry and I were making together.

And then, one sunny afternoon, I had another one of those forever life changing moments. I met Ms. Addy, the woman at the Farmer’s Market who would teach me a whole new way of living. Through her patience and kind mentoring, a spark was ignited in me, the very spark which has now fully flamed into a passion for simple living. It was this initial spark which led us to where we are now.

That very year, we found a home we would never have dreamed would be possible for us to afford. And my father blessed us with an acre of his land to move that home to.

An acre of land, beyond the pond, at the top of the highest ridge on our land where there was a thicket of pine trees, and a clearing overlooking green hills as far as the eye could see.

It was now my own. That very place that was my peace and my refuge so many years earlier. It would now be my refuge once more, and a place for my children to grow up, happy and free. Two years into living on this land, and two more beautiful children later, I am happier than I ever thought possible.

And I still sit outside sometimes as I did what seems a lifetime ago, and look out over the distant hills, and I daydream and pray. Only now my soul is filled with joy. And my tears are those of gratefulness. My daydreams are now of a different kind of “freedom”, and my prayers are full of thanks for all that the Lord has given me. Especially my family.

It’s funny how you can look back on your life and see the hand of Yahweh working.


Kendra
About Kendra 1103 Articles
A city girl learning to homestead on an acre of land in the country. Wife and homeschooling mother of four. Enjoying life, and everything that has to do with self sufficient living.

21 Comments

  1. “Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.” ~ C. S. Lewis ~

  2. What a testimony! Faith properly placed never fails. Our Lord and Savior tells us in John 6:37 “All that the Father gives Me shall come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out.”
    Gratitude + Repentance = Humility. And the meek (teachable) will inherit the earth; I love proof. Add my voice to the choir praising Him for His Glory.

  3. Isn’t it amazing how life can change direction so quickly? It’s fascinating to discover new layers of yourself. Awesome post!

  4. “Watching The Hand Of God” was very sweet commentary on Life, and A blessing to read, I enjoyed it very much You’re a joy to know and count as a (Granddaughter) You are indeed a blessing to all who know you. Be THANKFUL from whence you came, and what you have now
    Grandpa McGee

  5. I loved this post. We got to pick out 10 acres of land from my husband’s family farm. Every morning when I make our coffee, I look out the window at the hay bales in our fields and fall in love with it all over

  6. Very touching post! If only we could see the hand of God moving more often in the moment, instead of having to wait until yrs later to realize He was there…

  7. Yes it is Kendra. Those life changing moments are moments in which we can open our heart to God and allow Him to work IN us or we can push Him away. Walking down that narrow road is not easy, but oh the JOY that comes from living a life of simplicity for God.

    Praise the Lord you were willing to follow that calling as a wife and a mother and raise your family in this way.

    I am blessed to have found you here and follow you on this journey. Living a life of simplicity is something our family strives for as well and I look forward to learning more.

  8. I’ve had a very similar experience. My husband was raised Christian and has always been close to God. I, however, have not. I came to know Christ as a adult and my husband and I often talk about our different perspectives. I tell him that in coming to Christ as an adult it is almost like a sense of relief. The weight of the sin-filled world is lifted from your shoulders and the grace of God shines on you and you feel relieved, refreshed. The Bible says the wages of sin is death and it sure feels like it! You definitely know when you aren’t walking in the light!

  9. The nature of God can be found if one can be silent long enough to hear the gentle voice from within. It speaks to us everyday if we could but perceive. To live in harmony with one’s self and at peace is God’s hand on your shoulder.

    Congratulations on taking the path less traveled. So many hurry here and there and miss the opportunity to hear.

  10. Kendra-

    What a beautiful story. You know I can relate in so many ways! I went through several years of a brokeness and rebellion in my teens and early 20’s. Now I’ve been divorced, remarried and having children. The Lord is good i praise him everyday for the family ive always dreamed about as a child. He hears our prayers and we worship him when we cry out with thanksgiving.

  11. What a lovely post! I agree with all of your sentiments and I actually went through a similar period of rebellion & anger in my teen years & even into my very early 20s. It is really funny how things work out when you realize that God was there all along, even though it may not have seemed like it at the time.

  12. Thank you so much for this post. It is beautifully written, and I feel Him in it. Thank you for sharing your life and for inspiring me to see with better eyes.

  13. Kendra, this is a wonderful post. The mercy and grace that has been demonstrated in your life is a beautiful thing. Praise be to God that He worked in your life in just a wonderful way.

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